“The things you take for granted, somebody else is praying for. Be thankful.”
This quote speaks volumes to me, especially at this moment in my life. I am always thankful for my life and forever counting my blessings through all of my trials and tribulations. Even in my darkest hour I am capable of reminding myself that there is someone else in this world that would happily trade shoes with me. I don’t like to allow myself to have self pity. I know everything that comes my way was sent by God and even if I don’t understand it, it’s happening for a reason.
Right now I am facing one of those scary trials and tribulations and know I have to take it head on. After what I was pretty certain would be a rather simple appointment with a specialist yesterday, I left that office feeling down right terrified. Even worse, my husband sat in the waiting room with our nine year old. So I did what any mama would do. I sent my husband a text and told him we would have to talk about my diagnosis at home because I didn’t want to frighten our daughter. It’s hard enough that I have to understand this situation, I don’t want it on her shoulders just yet. We dropped off my five new prescriptions and came home. It wasn’t easy for me to have to tell this man that loves me in ways I still tell myself I can’t possibly deserve what we will be up against if this diagnosis is correct. And once again he reminded me that we will get through anything together just like we always do. Thankfully I know all too well that he means it and I too believe with him by my side I can get through anything. I’m so blessed to be married to someone that loves me unconditionally and will forever be by my side. It wasn’t any easier telling my parents. Especially knowing how I would feel if the shoe had been on the other foot.
Last night I read up on the information the specialist gave me to better understand my situation. I cried an awful lot and when that didn’t help I prayed. I’m opting to not share my diagnosis publicly until I’ve had all of the test and procedures done to fully confirm her diagnosis. Which mean I will have to deal with a few weeks of uncertainty and quite honestly feeling like my life is in limbo.
A few years ago my dad was falsely diagnosed with stage four throat and lung cancer. It was a scary time to say the least. But the diagnosis was wrong, thanks be to God. As I go through these next couple weeks of anxiously waiting results I’m praying that I too have been misdiagnosed and it is something far less serious.
In the mean time I will continue to go on with my life. I will cherish these last few weeks of summer with our lil monsters. I will look forward to the arrival of out of town guest. I will look forward to more fun summer plans with our lil monsters and my love. I’ll do my best to not live in fear as I continue to choose my faith to guide me through this unknown. I realize this blog is rather vague to most outside of the handful of people we’ve confided in. But this is how I’m choosing to cope. I needed to get my thoughts out, hence the blog, but also need some privacy until I’m sure this diagnosis is right. And more than anything I could use the extra prayers.
